Sunday 10 January 2016

Perspective | The Ordinary Momets #2

This week has seen the last 2 days of the holidays and the first 3 days back to school and pre school. I don't want to say 'back to normal' as quite frankly my normal is not getting up at 7am and turning into an army cadet ordering instructions every 5 minutes. That is not normal.

However, I do quite like the routine side of school weeks. I like that I know where I stand in the week, and I like that we have structure to our days. Don't get me wrong, I am holding on to every ounce of the holidays still and those fairy lights are staying put. Forever. My god am I ready for the holidays within 2 weeks of being back, but for just those first few days of routine it really is quite nice. And when I walk back through the door and I switch on the music, get on with uninterrupted chores and sing really bloody loudly, I forget about the stressful 2 hours that followed me rolling out of bed. The 2 days a week that I get to myself really is quite lovely. I think being apart from them those 2 days (or all 5 with the boys at school!) really does make me appreciate the time we spend together more. I am a better Mum for it so I have no shame in admitting I enjoy being on my own a couple of times a week!

So in our last 2 days of holiday we laughed a lot, danced a lot more and we enjoyed our time spent together before the mad rush of school started again. Christmas definitely gave me some perspective too and that has pushed on through the beginning of January. We made some big decisions this week and one of which I am feeling so content about now. (after having a HUGE wobble. Huge.) I have decided to not pursue my dream in becoming a midwife yet. The thought of not being around on birthdays or Christmas due to shift work, fills me with such sadness. I want to enjoy them being at school and I love being part of the PTFA, I love helping out on the school trips and doing the drop offs and pick ups. It suddenly dawned on me that they are only going to be this small once, sounds ridiculous but I think I let my head run away with it and I didn't realise how much of a commitment it would be. I kinda thought my photography business was over and I had settled down by September last year thinking my time was up and I needed to move on.
I don't want to miss all the little things, I know I would regret it in 20 years when they are all grown up with their own families and I wonder where their childhood went.
It doesn't mean I'll never do it, but I just can't do it right now. And I know deep down it is the right decision for us all even if I do feel hugely disappointed in myself.

Having had so much grief in my life, I get the odd day where it is put to the back of my mind, but the majority of the time I have the mantra of 'We get one shot, make the most of it.' And I think Joe is slowly coming around to that too. Why spend the next 5 years+ being completely stressed out trying to make a career work when I have a perfectly great career ahead of me in photography (I hope!). So I am going to spend the time that would have been spent studying, trying to own this whole self employment lark. I want to do it properly and I want to smash it.

This year is going to see a lot of me stopping the change instead of striving for it. So much of my head space is spent wondering what could happen, what may not happen or what I could be if something changed. I need to change that. You heard it hear first.

So we did nothing fancy this week, went to the farm and took advantage of their very quiet soft play, watched a couple of films and had an extra bubbly bath (pictures of bath time here!) Harvey spent the weekend with his Dad so it didn't leave me too many opportunities to photograph his cheeky face towards the end of the week!

Here are our Ordinary Moments from this week... Linking up with the lovely Katie.




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13 comments:

  1. Oh wow! Your photography is beautiful! I love the shadows and light! Just gorgeous! Look forward to seeing your ordinary moment posts this year! xx

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  2. There are some lovely shots. I know exactly what you mean, it's so important to me to be around for Cheeky Chap and to be there during the holidays, that's why I decided to study through Open University rather than go to the local brick uni.

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    1. Thank you! Definitely, and I take my hat off you for doing that. I started an Access course and it was so time consuming, how anyone does that with a child is beyond me! Its amazing!! Well done you!! X

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  3. You take some gorgeous photographs. Good luck with the self employment route, I went self employed a couple of years ago and I haven't looked back. I think the holidays definitely help me get a perspective back. x

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    1. Thank you Katie! I have been self employed for 3 years now, and its so scary! But its what I know and love, so no point changing whats good hey! x

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  4. Your photos are beautiful. I love the difference use of lighting. I hope you feel better during this grey January. I bought some body wash that smells like coconut because it reminds of sunscreen and sunny topical islands. Look forward to hearing about your family adventure in the future. #TheOrdinaryMoments

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    1. Thank you so much xx Now THAT is a great idea, I am definitely going to have to do that!! Thank you for your comment xx

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  5. I was always about the big experiences and finally with the birth of my second child i started to appreciate the small moments and the times when it is just us and we are just pottering around and hearing the kids fight and being a referee. these are the real memories #MarvMondays

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    1. I couldn't agree more! Not only do I treasure the big events, its the little things that mount up the most isn't it. Reading stories and dancing in the kitchen, I wouldn't be able to do as much of those if I had such a strenuous job. Thank you for commenting! :)

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  6. Gorgeous, I absolutely love your photography and how all the different focal points emphasise your posting about perspective. Beautiful. I hope that January is a lot better and we see some brighter days. Looking forward to your posts this year xxx

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment, really given me a boost after a week of feeling a bit sorry for myself!! I am most definitely feeling more positive already, funny how one thing changes and your whole mindset is different. The mind is a funny thing!

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  7. Oh, such beautiful photography. Absolutely love the bottom one's with the light in the dark. Hope you feel better soon. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays! Kaye xo

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